This is the sixth in a series of articles about my recent trip to the emergency room, my intestinal surgery, and my recovery afterwards. Here is an index to all of the articles in this series.
The following article contains very crude humor which may be offensive to some readers. Reader discretion is advised. You may want to skip to the next installment.
There is a new sitcom on HBO called Lucky Louie that is full of very foul language, crude humor, R-rated sex scenes, politically incorrect in every way shape and form and very very funny. I’m almost ashamed to admit I’ve never missed an episode.
In the episode which aired right before I entered the hospital there is a scene where Louie is lying in bed next to his wife in the middle of the night. She is trying to sleep and he is contemplating the fact that some day we are all going to die. He muses “Stupid dogs are always happy because they’re just laying there licking themselves and have no fuckin’ idea that someday they’re gonna die. Sometimes I wish I was a dog and didn’t know any better. Would it be better to know you are going to die or not? Maybe it’s better if you do know…”
The entire time he is rambling and contemplating his own mortality, his wife becomes more and more agitated because he’s keeping her awake. She tries to ignore him, puts the pillow over her head, tosses and turns to no avail. Finally she just reaches over under the covers and starts giving him a hand job. His voice breaks in mid sentence, he stammers, breaks into a broad smile, and finally he shuts up. Soon he’s falling asleep and his wife rolls over and goes to sleep herself.
So there I am lying in the emergency room of St. Vincent Hospital about to have life-threatening surgery and Mom says to me “Are you scared?”
I replied, “Actually stuff like this isn’t really that scary to me. I don’t have any choice here except to go ahead with the surgery, hope it turns out okay, and if it doesn’t there is nothing I can do about it. I really don’t have time to think about what’s about to happen or what could happen. For me the really scary times are just like Lucky Louie the other night. When you’re lying in bed late at night with nothing else to think about except the fact that no matter what you do, someday you’re going to die… Those are the really scary times for me although this is scary enough.”
Mom said laughing “Well, I can’t offer you Louie’s solution to the problem.”
I replied “Maybe we can get that cute blonde intern back in here to perform a little ‘procedure’ on me like Louie’s wife.” We both busted up laughing.
You’ve got to laugh at times like these to keep from crying.
Back to more serious topics in our next installment.