My Toledo Vacation — August 1986

In my previous blog post I talked about my friend Barbara Alkema who might be my new roommate along with her adult son Josh and their 4 cats. You can read the details about that here. I mentioned in that blog that in 1986 Barb drove from her home in Toledo down to Indianapolis, picked me up in my van, and drove me back to Toledo to spend a week vacation with her and my friend Jim Grubs. I had met Jim online on CompuServe on a disability forum. He had a type of muscular dystrophy different from mine. Barb was his live-in caregiver. We all became friends online. This blog is the story about that vacation that I spent with her and Jim.

The Adventure Begins

I don’t remember the exact dates but it was in August 1986 that I went to visit my friends Jim and Barb who lived in Toledo. Granted one doesn’t typically think of Toledo as a big vacation destination. John Denver even wrote a silly song about what a boring place it is. YouTube
Actually Jim lived in Sylvania which is a suburb of Toledo. Anyway this was a really big deal for me because it was the first time I had been anywhere overnight or under the care of anyone other than my parents. It was a big milestone for me in my independence. It served as proof of concept that let me take other out-of-town trips with other friends years later.

The drive to Toledo was uneventful. I don’t really remember any details of it. Google maps (which didn’t exist in those days) tells me today that it is a 224 mile journey that should take three hours 48 minutes.

Barb rearranged some furniture in Jim’s bedroom and they rented a hospital bed for me for the week. We took my Hoyer lift and my oxygen machine. This was decades before I had a CPAP, ventilator, trach or G-tube. I just had oxygen that I used at night. Jim did as well although I think he may have had a CPAP I don’t recall. Barb did double duty taking care of both of us. We visited with friends of theirs and went out to dinner a couple of times.

Catching A Ferry

The big event of the week was our trip to South Bass Island about 5 miles into Lake Erie. There is a little resort town called Put-in-Bay on the island. They have a fancy marina with lots of expensive boats to look at and tourist shops you can browse. The main attraction on the island was the “Perry’s Victory and International Peace Memorial”. It is a National Park Service facility and the website (which did not exist in 1986) describes it as follows “Perry’s Victory and International Peace Memorial was established to honor those who fought in the Battle of Lake Erie, during the War of 1812, and to celebrate the long-lasting peace among Great Britain, Canada and the U.S. The Memorial, a Doric column, rising 352 feet over Lake Erie is situated 5 miles from the longest undefended border in the world.” Link to park service website for Perry’s Victory Memorial

We would drive from Toledo to Catawba Island just north of Sandusky. There you catch a ferry boat out to South Bass Island. You can click on the maps in this blog for a larger version and each has a link where you can to go to Google maps to see more details.

When we got to the ferry landing they told us that we could not take our vehicle with us because they had already taken over a large number of vehicles for the day. There’s only so much room for cars on the boat and there was a chance that there would not be room for us for the return trip. So we parked the van at a parking lot about a block away and got on the boat just in our wheelchairs with Barbara on foot.

I had my VHS camcorder with me and I shot video along the way. You can see the YouTube version at the end of this blog. Some of the images in this blog are screen grabs from that video. Unfortunately the railing on the ferry had a bar exactly at the height of my video camera so it was a little bit difficult to shoot video out across the water. Most of the passengers road up high on an upper deck that gave them a great view but we stayed on the main deck with the vehicles that were going across. A couple of seagulls flew alongside us on the journey. We could see other boats out on Lake Erie and another ferryboat passed us going the other way.


Growing up severely landlocked here in Indianapolis, being able to look out to the horizon and see endless water is a strange experience for me. I’ve never been to the ocean. I have been to Chicago on a couple of occasions and seen Lake Michigan but I had never been out on it in a boat. South Bass Island is only 2.9 miles from shore so we could see it from the shore where we departed. But there were directions you can look out into the lake and it was water all the way to the horizon. For most people it wouldn’t be a big deal but it was a new experience for me.

I don’t know how Google maps computed that ferry transit time in the map above. It says 20 minutes on foot and 31 minutes by car. Maybe it takes longer to load your car onto the ferry than to walk on 🙂

When we got to the landing at the south tip of South Bass Island we realized we were in trouble. We were at the wrong end of the island. We had no idea how far we would have to walk. Most people who got off the ferry went to the bicycle rental stand but that wasn’t going to work for us. As this Google map below shows, it’s 2.2 miles. Had we been in the van it would’ve been a six minute drive from one end of the island to the other. On foot it’s 46 minutes. And with two electric wheelchairs and an aide on foot it was probably longer than that. Of course we didn’t have Google maps in those days or smart phones with which to check Google maps. Not knowing what we were up against we had no choice but to set out on foot.

We passed by a small airport on the island and sat and watched a couple of private planes land and take off. There is also an air service called Island Airlines that will take you out to the island. Jim saw one of them flyover while we were on the ferryboat. Somewhere along the way we came across a little hamburger stand with some picnic tables sitting in front of it so we stopped and had lunch. You can see the Perry Monument off in the distance and it looked like it was just over the hill a bit. But I had no idea just how tall the thing really was. (Again we couldn’t Google it.) We were still over a mile away.

When we finally got to the town of Put-in-Bay it was very nice. There was a nice marina with lots of expensive looking boats. One of them looked like a big offshore racing boat. Others were fancy cabin cruisers. We didn’t really spend any time in the tourist trap shops. We went on to the big Memorial to get a good look at it. Now we could see just how huge it really was. There was a small shack that was sort of like a mini museum. I shot some video of a really cool scale model of the USS Lawrence which was Commodore Perry’s flagship during the battle of Lake Erie. His motto and battle flag bore the phrase “Don’t Give up the Ship”. This was a paraphrasing of the dying words of Capt. James Lawrence who was a friend of Perry and who had died in an earlier battle in the war.

We hung out in the park for a while and it was very peaceful. The island has a very narrow Isthmus right at that point and you can see water on either side. The bay itself is very calm compared to the waters of Lake Erie.

We Are Stranded

The problem now was how to get home. There was no way we could make it back to the other end of the island where we had landed in time to catch the last boat home. Fortunately there is a ferryboat that leaves directly from the bay. Had we known what we were doing, we would’ve taken the boat that landed there. So we purchased a ticket to go back on a different ferry from this different departure point.

There was another problem however. This ferry did not go back to the Catawba Island Terminal where we left the van. Instead it went back to a place called Port Clinton which is 9 miles away from where the van was. We didn’t have any other choice. We had to take this ferry home.

We depart from the north side of the isthmus and had to go around the east end of the island to get back to the shore. It gave us a nice scenic view of the island. On the trip out there were seagulls that flew alongside us but on the trip home there were many more birds and they would fly up to the rear of the ship and the passengers would throw breadcrumbs to them. You could buy a package of breadcrumbs on the fairy. The birds would swoop down and catch them in midair. One person tried holding out their hand palm up with food in it but I never saw a bird swooped down to take it. I wouldn’t have done that.

When we landed at Port Clinton we called a taxi and Barb left Jim and me alone in the parking lot while she went to get the van 9 miles away. Then she drove the van back to pick us up. There was another guy there in a wheelchair with his own van but there would be no room for three wheelchairs in his van so we didn’t even bother to ask him if we could bum a ride. There was some sort of fast food restaurant across the street and we thought about going to get something to eat while we waited but we decided it was best to just stay put. We felt safe where we were.

There are actually 2 different fairy routes that leaves the north side of the island and they go to 2 different locations on the shore. One of them went to Marblehead and the other to Port Clinton. I couldn’t remember which route we went but I did remember that Barb said the taxi ride was 9 miles. So in researching for this blog I used Google maps and discovered that it was Port Clinton and not Marblehead where we returned. Marblehead is 11 miles from Catawba Island according to Google maps. Recalling this whole experience from 1986 has really opened my eyes to how dependent we are in this day and age on the Internet and all of the resources it provides. It makes me wonder how we ever survived without it.

The journey back to Toledo was uneventful. When we got home we ordered some pizza. We were all pretty exhausted from our adventure especially Barb who had walked the length of the island and still had to put Jim and me to bed. We had plans for the next day to drive to Detroit to visit a CompuServe friend of mine but we decided to cancel because we had already had enough adventure for now.

Home Again via Chicago

Barb and I left Jim in the capable hands of his backup aide Dede and we drove onto Chicago to visit other friends there. We had a great time in Chicago for the weekend. I don’t remember why but I did not shoot any video for this leg of the trip. Now I wish I had. Didn’t take any photos either.We got in a huge traffic jam coming through the interstate in Chicago. We also drove by Soldier Field where the Indianapolis Colts were playing the Bears in a preseason football game. I thought it was ironic that I was in town for a Colts game without tickets to see it. We got lost once along the way trying to find the hotel where I had booked us a room. We eventually made it to the right place and checked in. I had my laptop with me and I logged into CompuServe to touch base with friends. They started teasing me about spending a weekend in a hotel room with a nurse. Barb didn’t appreciate that. Barb met up with a friend of hers who lived in Chicago and he hung out with us and spent the night. I don’t remember his name or how she knew him. I had dinner with a friend from CompuServe. Sadly I don’t remember her name either.

This was my third trip to Chicago. The first was a family vacation when I was 13. I always tell people “Yeah… I was in Chicago in ’68. The scene with all the hippies in Grant Park was wild.” The truth was that vacation was the week before the infamous 1968 Democratic National Convention with all of its riots and controversy. And I neglect to tell people I was only 13 at the time and was on vacation with my mommy and daddy.

My second trip to Chicago had been just a few years prior in 1981 when I was invited to exhibit some software in the “John’s Hopkins First National Search for Computer Applications for the Handicapped“. My software VersaScan won seventh place in the Midwest regional and was one of the top 100 in the country. (See page 276 of this PDF “Communicating with Tokens” by Chris E. Young) That event was held in the Museum of Science and Industry so I got to spend lots of time there as well as my other favorite museums.

Whenever I’m in Chicago I have to visit the museums. My favorite place is the Adler Planetarium which sits out on a little peninsula on Lake Michigan. I also like the Shedd Aquarium. I’m pretty sure we went to the Planetarium but I don’t think we visited the aquarium this time. [Update: After reading this, Barb reminded me we did go to the aquarium and now that I think about it more, I do remember parts of that adventure as well.]

Getting My Eyes Maxed at the OmniMax

I definitely wanted to go to the Museum of Science and Industry because they had just installed a new OmniMax Theater. If you’ve never heard of it, OmniMax is a domed version of IMAX. Some theaters refer to it as IMAX Dome while others continue to use OmniMax. The film was a NASA documentary called “The Dream Is Alive“. This 1985 film was made during space shuttle mission STS 41C aboard the space shuttle Challenger. Ironically in January 1986 a tragic accident destroyed the Challenger and its crew of seven and the dream was almost destroyed with it. It would be two years before shuttles flew again. It was bittersweet to see the Challenger in such a magnificent format.

We didn’t have time to tour the entire museum. We just went directly to the OmniMax theater. Unfortunately when we got there, the show was sold out. Some nice man who was in line with his family gave me his ticket for free. Barb waited in the lobby for me. The show was only about 45 minutes. It was the first IMAX film I had ever seen. The OmniMax Theater screen is huge. It’s like you took a dome and tilted it on its side and suspended it above the stadium seating. If you would stare at the center of the screen and did not look side to side, the image would fill your entire field of vision. The multichannel digital surroundsound was state-of-the-art. You can feel the floor shake when the shuttle took off. I’ve got a DVD of that film but of course watching it at home even in HD with my home surround system is nothing like IMAX.

I was instantly hooked and I’ve been an IMAX addict ever since. I wished we had IMAX theaters in Indianapolis. In 1996 my wish came true. The Indianapolis Children’s Museum opened a theater called the CineDome. While not technically IMAX nor OmniMax, it was much like a smaller version of the OmniMax in Chicago with a domed screen. Although built by iWerks and not IMAX it would still show 1570 format films some of which were IMAX films. In 2002 the Indiana State Museum opened an IMAX with a traditional flat screen but it had 3D capability. The CineDome closed in 2003 and the museum turned it into a dinosaur exhibit called Dinosphere which is pretty cool but I still miss the CineDome. There are now 3 other IMAX theaters in the central Indiana area but they are smaller digital IMAX facilities as part of a multiplex of other theaters. Purists call these smaller theaters lie-Max but I still like them. Still they don’t compare to the large IMAX at the Indiana State Museum or the Chicago OmniMax. In 2017 the Chicago OmniMax theater was renovated and the IMAX film projector removed. It was replaced by a laser digital projection system and was renamed the Giant Dome Theater. Maybe someday I will go back and see how the upgrade looks. But I still have fond memories of the original OmniMax and my first IMAX experience.

Cherished Memories and More to Come

The journey home to Indianapolis the next day was uneventful. Barb drove back to Toledo. We stayed in touch but I did not see her again until 1990. By then she had a boyfriend and a baby. She was leaving Jim to move to Texas. She did return to Toledo a few years later to care for Jim but sadly he passed away in 1995. She then went to school and got a job doing the social work. We’ve stayed in touch via Christmas cards, email, and an occasional phone call. I will see her again in a couple of weeks when she will come visit and we will decide if she’s capable of helping out as my caregiver. If so she and Josh and their cats will move here. I really hope it works out. Regardless of what happens, I will always cherish these great memories we’ve made together for over 30 years.

YouTube Video of Trip to South Bass Island

I May Have Found a Roommate

I may have found a roommate to move in with me.

The day I posted my previous blog saying that I was looking for one or two people to move in with me and live here rent-free in exchange for being my part-time caregiver, I got a Facebook messenger message from my old friend Barbara Alkema saying “How physical is the job?”. I totally freaked out.

I’ve known her for over 30 years. She currently lives in West Virginia with her adult son Joshua and 4 cats. I had thought about asking her if she would consider coming to Indiana but I thought it was very arrogant of me to presume that someone would pick up their life and move to a different state for me. Barb points out that I sent her a link to the blog hoping she would “take the bait”. Well maybe yes but I sent the link everywhere I could think of. In addition to posting on Facebook I sent emails to lots of people including her. Unfortunately I had an old email address that was no good so when I asked her about her current email then I sent her the link. The idea that she might respond positively seemed like a ridiculous fantasy.

This was much better because she was volunteering based on my open casting call and I didn’t look like I was an egotistical ass asking her to uproot her life and move to a different state.

Who Is She?

Back in the early 1980s before Al Gore invented the Internet (okay I know he really didn’t) there was an online service called CompuServe. You would use dial-up modems just like AOL which appeared a few years later. There were live chat rooms, discussion forums, news pages, and you could book travel just like you can on the Internet today. But it was all plaintext with no pictures and you connected at 300 baud. To compare that when AOL and other Internet services stopped using dial-up modems they were running at 56,000 baud. Today’s Internet is thousands of times faster.

There was a disability discussion group and that’s where I met a man named Jim Grubs. He was 50 years old, lived in Toledo Ohio, and had some kind of muscular dystrophy. It wasn’t the kind that I have. Jim’s parents were in their 80s and could not properly care for him but they had some money and so they hired a full-time live-in caregiver named Barbara.

I communicated with them both online through CompuServe and occasionally by phone. One time Barbara took the weekend off from caring for Jim and left him in the hands of a backup aide named Dede. She drove down from Toledo to Indianapolis to spend a few days with me. We had a great time together. We went out to dinner with my friends Rich and Kathy Logan and then went on to a comedy club where we saw a new rising star in the comedy world. You might’ve heard of him… His name was Jerry Seinfeld. This of course was years before his TV show. We had a great time. The next day Barb and I went over to the Speedway to tour the museum and who did we run into? Jerry Seinfeld! We told him we really enjoyed his show the night before. I wish I had the presence of mind to ask for an autograph.

In August 1986, Barb came back to Indianapolis and picked me up in my van and drove me to Toledo to visit with her and Jim for a few days. We took a trip on a ferryboat out into Lake Erie to a place called South Bass Island and to a resort town called Put-in-Bay. There is a huge lighthouse on the island that commemorates Commodore Perry’s victory in the battle of Lake Erie during the war of 1812. We also had a great time visiting with several of their friends and then backup aide Dede took over and Barb and I drove from Toledo to Chicago where we each visited some friends there. Then she drove me back to Indianapolis. I’m going to do an entirely other blog post about that whole adventure including a YouTube video of some VHS tape I shot on her trip out to the island.

The last I saw Barb in person was in 1990. She had quit working for Jim and was on her way to move to Texas with her seven-month-old baby boy Joshua. I remember she was here the day that my Grandma Osterman went to the hospital for the last time before she passed away.

Barb later returned to Toledo to work for Jim briefly but he passed away in 1995. Barb and I stayed in touch over the years. By email, Facebook, and the occasional phone call.

She went to school and got a job doing social work. A few years ago she developed health problems and had to go on Social Security Disability, Medicare and Medicaid. I wasn’t really sure if she was in good enough physical shape to help take care of me or if she would be interested in moving here. I did know that they were struggling financially but like I said, I thought I would be an idiot to presume she might move here even if she could.

What Is the Plan?

Over the past couple of weeks we’ve talked over all of the ins and outs of her moving here. She of course discussed it with her son Josh who has been a Facebook friend of mine for some time. He is in his late 20s. He’s a bit of a nerd like me. Loves sci-fi. Hates Trump. In a way more nerdy than me. He plays Dungeons & Dragons which I don’t. I’m sure we will get along just fine. Josh currently has a crap job working in a drugstore making crap wages. He was already looking for a better job so he will have to find one here. He has friends in West Virginia that he plays D&D with once a month but they say they can Skype with him or he can come visit sometimes. He also plays online with other people which you can do anywhere. He is on board with the plan.

I’m not wild about the idea of 4 cats coming with them because I’m not much of a cat person but given a choice between A) Living with a longtime friend, her son who is cool, and four cats versus B) Living in a nursing home… I will take “Plan A” any day.

You might think that we live in the United States of America but actually we live in a bunch of egotistical local jurisdictions that each think they know what’s best for their constituents especially when it comes to healthcare. While Medicare is completely federal, Medicaid varies state-by-state. We will have some hoops we need to jump through to get her eligible for Indiana Medicaid but after consulting with my lawyer we think we’ve got that one figured out.

Barb has plans to go visit a friend in a different part of West Virginia the week of April 6. The current plan is that she will spend a week with that friend that then take a bus here to Indianapolis and hang out with me for a week or so. It will probably be too strenuous for her to get me up and bathed and dressed in the morning but we are hopeful she will be able to put me to bed at night which is much easier. Her visit will verify just what she is and is not able to do. If that goes okay then she will go back home and begin to pack. Josh may come before her to start looking for a job.

I currently get nursing services from 8 AM- 6 PM Monday through Friday but that’s only because Carol is living here as my primary caregiver and she has to work. With Barbara living here full-time and not working I will no longer be eligible for that kind of nursing support. I will end up going back to having a home health aide come in for a couple of hours every day to get me up and dressed. We can also get respite nursing to come in and take care of me if Barb needs to go somewhere like a doctor appointment. We would essentially be back to the way things were with me and my dad before he got sick this past summer. My weekend aide has that she would love to come back and work for me seven days per week the way that she did for the past two years before we got nursing help.

In my original blog posts I said that I would need more than one roommate so that they could share responsibilities. However because Barb doesn’t have any friends around here and doesn’t work it will not be a burden for her to be here full-time. Josh can help out around the house as well as he already does where they live in West Virginia.

I took a tour of my house shooting video on my iPhone and sent it to them to show them what the house looks like. Barb will take over the main bedroom that used to be my parents room and Carol is currently using. We have a junk room which contains my mom’s old sewing machine, a worktable that my dad used to build my gadgets, and a closet full of my ventilator supplies. We will clean that room out and it will be for Josh. We’ve already cleaned out my office closet in anticipation of moving stuff out of the junk room. Karen will probably take mom’s old sewing machine. We are going to get rid of one of the sofas in the family room and the organ which nobody plays anymore. That will give us room to put stuff in the family room.

Barb will bring some furniture of her own and some she will put in storage here. They will bring their beds. She has a hutch she likes that we can probably put in the family room. She has her own sewing machine. She sells stuff she makes on esty.com at a store called MakeItSewByBarb. We just priced what it will cost to rent a U-Haul truck and it’s going to be expensive but it’s cheaper than hiring a real mover.

She is excited that we have a dishwasher. Josh is excited that I have a 3D printer he can use to make D&D figurines and map pieces. I’m excited that they have a 60 inch TV they are bringing. Mine is only 47 inches but it will do 3D so we will keep them both. We both subscribe to Netflix, Hulu, CBS All Access and Amazon prime so we can consolidate those and save some money. I will probably cancel some of the premium channels on our cable. I will probably cancel our landline telephone since we all have cell phones. There are a lot of details to work out but I’m extremely hopeful that we can do it.

So send up a prayer or two that we can make this work. This is going to be a win-win situation for both of us if we can work out the details.

I need your help to find a roommate. Actually two roommates.

I need a roommate. Actually I need two but at least one to start with. I’m writing this blog directed towards friends, family, friends of friends, friends of family, family of friends etc. in hopes that someone knows someone who can move in here and help be my caregiver. The idea is that they would live here rent-free with free utilities, free Internet, free cable and use of the house in exchange for part-time responsibility of taking care of me.

I currently can get nursing care from 8 AM until 6 PM on weekdays. I also have a home health aide who comes on Saturday and Sunday morning for 2 to 3 hours. She gets me bathed and dressed and up in my chair like the nurses do. But because of the rules and because I have a trach in a G-tube she cannot be alone with me. So these hypothetical roommates would be required to be here evenings and weekends. I may also be able to get some additional nursing hours called respite hours but they might only be 10 or 12 hours per week. These respite hours are not flexible so we would have to come up with a regular schedule

I need two people because it’s a full-time endeavor. If one person does it, they wouldn’t have a life beyond going to work while my nurses are here and taking care of me the entire rest of the time. But if I have 2 people sharing the duty it becomes a much more manageable job. Currently my sister Carol is doing all of this on her own. The idea is that we will recruit a roommate who will share the responsibilities with her and then if it works out we would recruit a second roommate and Carol would be free to move on with her life

Anyone with normal physical ability who can follow simple instructions can do the job. It doesn’t have to be a nurse or a trained caregiver. None of this is rocket science. I can train them to suction my trach and do G-tube feedings. I can train them to put me to bed using my Hoyer lift. They would have to undress me and put a diaper on me. Is a simple task to put me on the ventilator overnight. While it’s quite a job to get me up and dressed, the nurses and aides will do that. Putting me to bed is relatively easy. It’s a law of physics that is easier to tear things apart that it is to put them together 🙂 The only nasty part of the job would be getting me on and off a bedpan and getting me cleaned up. While wiping my ass is not a fun job, as the children’s book says “Everyone Poops“. You wipe your own ass and it’s no different than wiping mine.

So what I’m asking you to do is to look around and see if you know of someone who might be interested in the job. At some point I will probably do some advertising to recruit a college student or perhaps even a nursing student. It doesn’t have to be a nursing student but they might be more inclined to take the job. It would be much better if it was someone that I knew or someone that you knew and could say that they were a decent reliable person.

That’s the short version of the story. But anyone who knows me, knows that I can’t tell a short story so I invite you to continue reading while I give you all the background on how I came to this point and why I need these roommates.

This idea is fraught with problems. Where do I recruit such people? How do I trust them? Sure we can do a background check or a drug test but that doesn’t mean I will find the right people or that I will find two of them and all three of us get along. What do I do when one of them quits? What are the legal issues? Can I write a roommate agreement that is not 80 pages long like Sheldon Cooper on “The Big Bang Theory”? These are all questions I can’t answer right now. But I have to pursue this idea because it is the only way I’m going to be able to avoid ending up in a nursing home.

What did he say? Nursing home? Oh no!

For many years whenever I mentioned to someone that at some point in my life I may end up living in a nursing home, the most common reaction has been a very quick “We can’t let that happen.” It takes a variable length of time however before the person saying that realizes there really isn’t a whole lot they can do to prevent it if it comes down to that. Let’s face it I am an extremely high maintenance person 🙂

In recent years I’ve become even more so. Basically I need someone to take care of me 24/7. It is not at all safe for me to be alone for any length of time. At one time it was common for mom or dad to leave me alone for up to an hour or two while they would run an errand. But in recent years it became less and less safe for me to be alone. Dad began scheduling his trips to the grocery or to the doctor at a time when my home health aide was available to take care of me.

Once I got my trach, things changed significantly. According to the rules, a home health aide or certified nursing assistant (CNA) is not allowed to deal with my trach or G-tube. In has to be a real nurse. A CNA is not allowed to be alone with me. That meant that dad had to change his schedule and cannot leave the house while the aide was here. Fortunately we were able to recruit a nurse who was permitted to care for me. He would come regularly one day a week and had some flexibility that he could come on other days as well.

My need to have someone here ALL of the time was clearly illustrated in an incident about a year ago. Dad went outside to do some yard work. He was only gone about 15 minutes before I found myself in real distress needing my trach suctioned. This was despite the fact I had told him before he went out the door that I was okay. I really thought I was.

Dad was able to do it these past few years basically because he didn’t have a life beyond caring for me. When he did go to a retirees meeting or go out to lunch with a friend on occasion we had to recruit other friends to stay with me. But dad didn’t have much of a social life so he didn’t have to give up much to be here all the time. In my eulogy of him last month I told the story of him coming to visit me in the hospital despite terrible weather that should’ve kept him home. His response was simply “I didn’t have anything better to do.” And that was the truth. I could rely on his care 24/7 because he didn’t have anything else to do.

That’s what it takes to keep me out of a nursing home. And that’s why all the people who say “We can’t let that happen” really can’t replace him. My other friends and family have a life. They have jobs and friends and commitments. They can’t devote their entire life to me and my care no matter how much they don’t want to see me in a skilled nursing facility.

When dad became ill this summer, my sister Carol moved in with us to help care for the both of us. She did this even though she herself was battling some very difficult health problems. She had surgery for throat cancer which was completely successful however the doctor still recommended an extensive round of radiation treatments which were devastating to her. Although she is back at work she still has a long road of recovery ahead of her. She’s been unable to eat enough to keep her healthy and recently had a G-tube installed so that she can get sufficient nutrition to heal. Her sacrifices for dad and I over the past many months have been phenomenal and I am totally lost for words to express how much it has meant to me.

Even when dad was doing well and Carol had not yet begun her difficult radiation treatments, I found myself at times overwhelmed at the thought of what she was going through to take care of us. I’ve needed pretty much this level of care my whole life. While I understand that mom and dad had made sacrifices to care for me for 60+ years, they are my parents. Taking care of your kids is part of the job. I don’t want to say that I ever took them for granted because I didn’t. But it just seemed natural that we had the kind of relationship that we had. On the other hand although Carol is family, what she has done for me in these past months has been way above and beyond the call of duty.

When all of this started, Carol expressed her commitment to stick with us to the end that we knew was coming from my dad but not necessarily for my entire life. We always knew that this would be a temporary situation for me. I intend to do everything I can to honor that concept that she wouldn’t be here forever.

In the late 1980s my grandma Osterman lived with us through all of her final health issues for about five years. The stress on my mom being a caregiver for grandma and I was overwhelming. Perhaps you didn’t see it but during those years it changed her personality. Much of the time she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. We all made sacrifices in those days but we understood that it was important to grandma to be here among family and it was important to my mom that she be able to care for her. After grandma passed away in 1990, mom recovered and became again the happy, kind, giving person that she had been prior. Dad and I spoke many times that we wanted to make things as easy as possible on Carol having seen what it cost my mom to take on such heavy responsibility.

Throughout the process, we’ve been exploring possibilities for my future once dad was gone and it was time for Carol to move on with her life. Although a skilled nursing facility was at the bottom of my list of options, unfortunately we had to explore it first because it was a bit of an emergency. It was questionable whether Carol would be able to continue to help out while recovering from her surgery and radiation. At one point she did move back home and dad and I were on our own. Fortunately dad was still in good enough shape that we could get by with the nursing help for several weeks. If dad had gotten worse before Carol was ready to come back, I needed somewhere to go.

When we weren’t certain that Carol was going to be able to continue to help out, I went looking for an SNF that could handle me. We had help from my caseworker from an agency called CICOA who handles my Medicaid paperwork. It turns out that finding a facility that will take someone who uses a ventilator is not easy. Most SNFs don’t have the staff to handle it. While anyone could do the job in my home, because of liability and other issues such a facility has to have highly trained people. I don’t really use the ventilator to keep me alive. It’s really just like using a CPAP or BiPAP to help me sleep at night. Before I had the trach I used a CPAP. But once you say “the patient is on a ventilator” that triggers all sorts of problems.

We finally found a facility called Greenwood Health Care in Greenwood. My friends Rich and Kathy drove me down there one afternoon for a tour. It was a reasonably nice place. I would have to share a room with another person and it would be a small living space but there is ample common area that I can hang out with the other residents. The minute you say “nursing home” it immediately conjures up all sorts of bad images. Someone like me doesn’t want to end up stuck in some wing with a bunch of Alzheimer’s patients.

One of the key things that I asked the staff in Greenwood was “Are there other people here like me? Are there people that, for the lack of a better term, I would consider peers? Are the people who are here because of their disability not because of age or medical condition?” She said that in the respiratory unit there were naturally lots of sick people. However in the unit adjacent to that there are people like me and I would have ample opportunity to make friends and interact with them in the common areas. That was a great relief to me.

I came away from the tour feeling greatly relieved that even if I had to take this worst-case scenario of a nursing home that I could get by reasonably well.

Obviously a nursing home was not my first choice. What I really would like to do is be able to stay in this home which I’ve lived in for 60 years ever since I was three years old. We talked about the possibility of my sister Karen, her husband Terry, their son Cole and their friend/roommate Dawn moving here. Even though it would be a little bit easier on them because there are more people to share the load, uprooting their family and moving here is just too much to ask.

I talked to my case manager and asked her what is the maximum amount of nursing hours she believed I could possibly get. She indicated that I might get 45-50 hours per week of what is called “preauthorization” or PA hours such as I was getting from 8 AM – 6 PM currently. And additionally 20-30 respite hours per week. That just isn’t enough to get me 24/7 care in my home.

Another option is to find one or two other disabled people each of whom could get authorization for maybe 10-12 hours per day. Then between all of us combined together we could get 24/7 care by utilizing each of our authorizations sequentially. That has worked in other cases. The problem is we would have to find someone very much like me who needed nursing care for a trach and a ventilator and not just a regular home health aide. Finding two or three such people has pretty much proven to be an impossible task.

Another option is what’s called a residential group home. This is a regular house managed by some agency that would have three or four disabled residents sharing caregivers 24/7. Again the problem is finding one that would be staffed by people who can handle the trach and the ventilator. To the best of our ability we have not been able to find such a group home. I had other reservations about the group home setting. I’ve heard some bad stories about them that actually made a nursing home sound like a better place. But given that there aren’t any group homes that can provide the level of care that I need, this one is off the table as well.

I have been exploring other Medicaid programs beyond the one that I currently use. But I don’t think any of them are going to qualify me for 24/7 care simply because if there was such a program, you wouldn’t need group homes to exist or at least not in the numbers that they do. I’m still looking into alternatives but I’m not at all hopeful that there are such programs.

All of our efforts have been directed at trying to get more nursing hours. We explored the possibility of trying to get private funding to hire more nurses. All of those people who said “We won’t let that happen” might be able to contribute something financially to hire more help. But I keep going back to the fact that I don’t really need a nurse. The only reason it has to be a nurse is because that’s the only way Medicaid will pay for it. I just need a reasonably able-bodied average strength person who won’t freak out at the idea of wiping my ass. And recognizing that one person can’t do it all alone… I need two of them

One of my nurses told me the story of another client she once served who had a college student living with her. The student would take care of her when the nurses were not on duty. That was the inspiration for the plan that we are pursuing.

I don’t need a place to live. This house is paid for.

I don’t need nurses. Any able-bodied person can do it.

I don’t need other disabled roommates.

I just need someone to be here when my nurses are not and to do some basic care.

While looking for the exact proper solution to the problem it occurred to me that what I was looking for was a unicorn… A beautiful mythical creature that probably didn’t exist. But the odds of finding and able-bodied roommate to come here and sharing the responsibility of caring for me doesn’t seem like such a long shot. I think I’m now looking for a horse instead of a unicorn.

That doesn’t mean this is going to be easy. Finding the right people will be hard. Finding someone who can get along with me and the other caregiver will be hard. Whoever we get is likely not going to stay forever so there will be turnover. These are the issues that Carol seemed most concerned about when I proposed the idea to her. They concern me as well. But I always have Greenwood as a fallback position. And I really can’t see going to Greenwood until and unless I have given this my best shot.

So look around… Think about your friends and neighbors and coworkers. What about nieces and nephews and cousins and their friends. Put out the word and help me find someone to be my roommate.

Sometime soon I’m going to put up a webpage with perhaps a YouTube video designed for the general public to view and you can direct them to that page. By the way if anyone is interested and it makes a difference, I live in the Eagledale area just north of Speedway. It is a four bedroom house and the caregiver would get their own bedroom.For now this is just directed to people I know. I’m hoping you can help.

Eulogy for Kenneth C. Young 1934-2019

I want to thank everyone for coming out this morning to help honor my father Kenny Young. And it’s great to see such a big group of people here. We’ve passed out a little prayer card this morning that has “The Prayer of St. Francis” in the front of it. And at the end I’ll offer a prayer of thanksgiving and then I will invite you to pray “The Prayer of St. Francis” with me.

The reason I chose that particular prayer is because it starts out with the phrase “Lord make me an instrument of your peace”. And I think of… When I think of words that describe my father I think “peaceful” and “patient” are the first words that come to mind. No matter what life threw at him, he always took it in stride. He never got upset about anything. And he had a lot of challenges in his life.

His father was an alcoholic. He had to deal with my disability. Mom and dad had five premature babies that only lived a day or so. Plus multiple other miscarriages that my mother and dad had to endure. The fact that my uncle, his brother, is hearing impaired was a challenge to their family. And all of these things he took in stride. He would always roll with the punches. Nothing ever got him down. He was good in a crisis.

He just had this quiet calm that kind of provided a good balance to my mother who was kind of frenetic at times… A high-energy person. (chuckles) and so that’s why they made such a good couple. I don’t ever remember him yelling at us as kids. You know a lot of times people say “Wait till your father gets home!” We were glad when dad got home! (laughter) He was a calming force. You know… Yeah we wanted dad to get home. Get get mom off our back! (laughter) So that… that calm and peaceful kind of demeanor is the first thing that I think about my father.

Some examples… One day Carol when she was a teenager was driving down the road… Got the van caught in a snow drift and flipped it on its roof and totaled the van. And he was still… I mean he was upset. He was worried. He was glad she was okay. But he just stayed calm. You would think he would rant and rave and carry on… He didn’t do that.

Karen was telling me this story. One time she woke up one morning and went outside and her car had caught fire overnight. The entire interior of the car had been completely gutted and burnt itself out. We got no idea how it happened. He went out, looked at it, mumbled a couple of expletives, walked right back in the house calm and collected. No worries. No problem. So he was a very calm and quiet man.

He also had a great deal of patience. Let me see a show of hands… How many people did he teach to waterski?

(About a dozen people raised their hands. Judy Chapman said “or tried”. Laughter throughout)

Or tried to teach to waterski. There is one he tried and failed. (More laughter)

I mean… How patient did he have to be? He probably drug you behind that boat for hours and hours. And then when you finally got up he’d drag you around the lake until you wore out. You know that kind of patience is is such a virtue. And was really a gift of his.

Now he did have… He wasn’t an emotionless person. He did have feelings and emotions but he didn’t let them get out of control. He just stayed calm and collected. And I think like a lot of men, he was uncomfortable with some of the mushy things… You know mushy expressions of love. He would rarely say the words “I love you”.


But you know you hear people on TV and in movies and they say (in whiny voice) “Oh my father never told me he loved me.” and their life was ruined by it. Well… Dad was always THERE for us. We didn’t need to hear “I love you”. EVERYTHING he did was an act of love. So if he didn’t say the words out loud, we didn’t feel cheated by that. We never felt a loss by that.

And I think the prime example is the joke my mom used to tell. She would say “I’ll ask Kenny ‘Do you love me?’ and his response always was (grumpily) ‘I’m here ain’t I?'” (huge laughter).

So… I don’t know if that meant you know… If I couldn’t… If I didn’t love you I wouldn’t have put up with you all these years or… But I think it’s more his philosophy that the way that he showed love was by being there. He was always showing up. He understood that showing up was the biggest part of a relationship. Just his presence… Being there for you when you needed him was the way to show his love and his… his feelings for you.

And so that sort of brings me to the next words that I think about him and that is his loyalty. That he expressed his love by being loyal to… to friends and family. He was always there to help you if you had a home improvement project. Or you know if you needed a phone cable run or cable TV, he’d crawl through your attic or in your crawl space… run cables for you. He’d fix water heaters. He’d do plumbing. He could do just about anything. It wasn’t just the sheet metal that he was famous for. He could fix anything. So he was always there for friends and family to fix things.

He would also… Talk about him being there. He was always there when mom or I were in the hospital. Mom was very sick and in intensive care and in a coma for 19 days. And he was there by her side every single day. Every day he would go up there and just sit in the ICU and read a book just to be next to her.

Two years ago when I was in the hospital after I got my trach. He was coming every day. And he me wasn’t getting around to get in those days too. And the weather forecast one day was for an ice storm. And I said “Dad stay home. The roads are going to be terrible.” I told everybody on Facebook “Dad won’t be coming today with that weather forecast.” All of a sudden he shows up! I said “What are you doing here? I told you to stay home. The roads were terrible.” He said “Well it was pretty tough in Eagledale but when you when you got on the main…” I said “Yeah how the hell did you get out of Eagledale when the roads were solid ice?” He said “Well… I didn’t have anything better to do.” (laughter) So you know being there and being loyal, and always showing up was really his gift.

[A story I had intended to tell but left it out of my live presentation. He also cared about his friends and coworkers when they were sick. He would visit them. His coworker George Yeager was seriously ill with emphysema. He was on oxygen and couldn’t leave the house because he was so weak. Dad would visit him regularly. After he passed away, dad would check-in on his family from time to time.]

He was very loyal to his friends. He had lifelong friendships with people here today. The Byrams and the Brakes and the McGraws and these people are all people that have met in my life because they were in his life lifelong. For years our partners at the lake.

And he treated his fans like family. These people that I mentioned you’re like extra aunts and uncles to me and that’s because Dad treated you like brothers and sisters. And so you’re family. And so we’ve taken it out up in that me and my sisters… our friends are like family to us as well. We follow in his example.

One of the ways that dad expressed his, his loyalty and his commitment to his friends was through his hospitality. He enjoyed going to the lake but he enjoyed it even more when we could have company there and have friends there. And we would invite huge crowds of people especially on like Fourth of July weekends. And he would stand there and cook hamburger after hamburger after hamburger. I don’t know how many thousands of hamburgers he grilled in his time (laughter). And by the time he got done to sit down to eat, half of us had already finished. And he never complained once. He just was a very hospitable person.

That hospitality extended to having houseguests. When Carol’s friend Laura was having problems with her family and needed somewhere to go we had Laura move in with us for a while. And he was very hospitable to her and never complained.

My Grandma Osterman spent the last five years of her life living with us. And my mother struggled to take care of all of us. And it was, it was a strain on the family but he never complained. He was always very supportive. He understood how important it was for grandma to be here among our family. And he understood how important it was for my mom to be able to do that for her out of love. And so he supported that even though it was a great strain on our family. And, and we see those traditions carrying on today.

His loyalty also extended to his coworkers and especially to the union. He was a very proud union man. He enjoyed his work in sheet-metal and was so dedicated to the trade that he wanted to pass what he had learned on to other people. So he actually taught night school to train sheet metal workers in the night school apprentice program. He served on the credit union credit committee helping to approve the loans so that other sheet-metal workers could buy a car or, or pay their bills. He saw that as an important thing. And even though you probably think of my mother and I as being the political activists of the family, when the union would have a rally at the Statehouse he would show up for a rally when the union called. Whether it was a right to work or a prevailing wage law that was on the line he was always there for the union.

And so as we start talking about his work, I think the next topic that I think about my dad is I would describe my dad as a master craftsman. He loved his work. He always wanted to be a sheet-metal worker. My grandfather worked in sheet-metal. He was anxious in high school to take the metal shop. It was his favorite subject. Immediately after high school he went into the apprentice program, became a journeyman, and a master sheet-metal worker. And he worked at the trade until he retired.

He was very proud of his work. He made things out of metal for the fun of it. You know you’d think if you’d beat on sheet-metal all day long… you wanna to go home and not have… and not see another piece of metal again. But, but he liked doing stuff after hours. He would go into the shop on weekends and make little projects and big projects and things.

He could fix just about anything. He had… Funny thing… one day something was wrong with the chandelier over our dining room table. It was flickering or doing weird or something and mom asked him to look at it. So he went and reached up and just looked at it and all of a sudden it fixed itself. (laughter) Like just him looking at it was magic or something. He didn’t know what he did. He jiggled a wire or something. Mom says “What did you do?” He said “I looked into it.” (big laughter). That got to be a running joke. Anytime he tried to fix something, and it worked, and he didn’t know what he did to fix it, he would just say “I looked into it” and that got to be the running joke.

Before we talk about all of his sheet-metal work, let’s, let’s talk about other things that he did. He poured a lot of concrete in his day. We had a beautiful patio at the back of our house in the early years. Unfortunately it got covered up by the concrete of our room addition a few years later. He poured all of the concrete at the lake, the foundation for the cabin, that big long sidewalk that goes all the way down the hill, and the patio at the bottom. He did all of that.

He could do carpentry. He basically designed and built our cabin at the lake. He built the addition on the back of our house. He could do plumbing. He could do electrical.

The addition on the back of our house was one of his favorite stories. My mom wanted a dishwasher. Adding to the house was all about the dishwasher. We had this tiny kitchen. The refrigerator, stove, washer and dryer all in the kitchen… no room for a dishwasher. “I gotta have a dishwasher”. So well will add something onto the house. So we tore up the old bathroom. Made it into a laundry room. Well you aren’t just going to add a bathroom… while you’re adding on you need a family room. And well you know with eight years difference between me and Carol and another eight between Carol and Karen. We ought to each have our own bedroom. So will make a new master bedroom for mom and dad and then us kids each get a bedroom. Well mom likes to entertain, so we needed a big family room. In the end we doubled the footage… square footage of our house. Dad says “It’s the dam most expensive dishwasher ever bought!” (big laughter)

So like I said, he designed and built all of that. He built the cabin at the lake. The only thing that he hired out was had a bulldozer come in and dig out the basement. And someone put up the concrete block. But everything else him and his friends did and it was all his design and supervision.

He built every kind of gadget for me that I could ever design. Every kind of assistive technology you can think of:. I had a floating motorized chair that I could swim around in at the lake, he built the lift for our van, for the van that we had. He built every kind of bracket and gadget and computer tables and he wired up a ton of micro switches that let me push buttons and operate things. In fact, the very last thing that he made for me was a pushbutton that I’m going to probably use as a nurse call button. He wired that up one month ago today on January 14th. So up to the very very end he was building gadgets for me. And whether I end up using that button or not, that’s going to be something I really cherish because it was the last wire he ever soldered.

Let’s talk about the things that he made out of metal. Like I said before he made the lift for the van. He built our first pontoon boat. He built the rowboat. The metal spiral staircases in the cabin. He built dock ladders. Two or three different ladders for our dock. One letter for the Roells. He was mad at my uncle John. He built them a dock ladder and the next year they sold the property and the ladder went with it. (laughter) He said “if I knew they were going to sell the damn thing I wouldn’t have given them is a ladder. (laughter) Sorry about that guys… That’s what he said. (Cousin Kathy spoke up “I didn’t want him to sell it either.”) Yeah.

I want to talk about the things that he did for work. I put together that poster that’s at the back of the room that many of you’ve seen. If you haven’t had to look at it, I encourage you to do so on your way out this afternoon. The different things that he did when he worked in the various sheet-metal shops touched the lives of countless number of people.

In the early years it was ordinary ductwork for heating and air conditioning. There’s probably miles of ductwork hanging in buildings in this city that my dad fabricated and installed. He did a lot of work in commercial kitchens. In hospitals and schools and restaurants that have ventilation systems and stainless steel countertops that he installed. You may have eaten a meal that was prepared on one of his countertops. Just think maybe thousands of people have eaten those meals.

He worked on metal sculptures. There is a jewelry store downtown that has a large metal sculpture that looks like a diamond but it’s made out of stainless steel and it’s hanging in front of the jewelry store. People walk by it every day.

There is a hospital that has a huge metal sculpture that looks like leaves there’s a photo of it on the poster. Then he helped fabricate and install. One of his bosses designed metal sculptures.

Many years ago when they renovated Saints Peter and Paul Cathedral downtown he refinished the brass doors on the front of the building. They were all tarnished and corroded. He had to take them down. And he said he couldn’t get the screws out. He had to drill out the screws and the rivets. And he cleaned… He took them back to the shop, refinished them. Sent them off to be coated in some special coating so that they would stay untarnished in the future. Then he reassembled everything and put them back up. Every week hundreds of people walk through the doors that were refurbished by my dad.


[Another story I had intended to tell but forgot… Years ago when they refurbished our Soldiers and Sailors Monument on Monument Circle downtown his shop replaced the window frames and the roof on top of the monument. There are photos on the poster showing the work they did. You can see the metal loops where they hang the Christmas lights each year. My dad was personally responsible for installing metal loops that hold Christmas lights that are seen by thousands of people every year as a visit downtown Indianapolis during the holidays.]

At Eli Lilly company on the south side they had these huge machines that are as big as our house, he said, that make capsules for the medicine. And there are all sorts of heaters and vents and stainless steel shoots and different things that these capsules go through. How many millions of doses of medicine have slid down a stainless steel shoot that my dad built? And how many lives have been saved by those medicines? It’s got to be thousands… Maybe even millions!

In later years one of the clients at his shop was a man named Gus Fleming and Gus was a brilliant engineer. Kind of absent-minded professor kind of guy. Kind of scruffy looking but still brilliant. He invented a machine that tests the turbine blades on jet engines. It would blow air over the blades and tell you if they were worn out or not. And when dad worked in the shop he helped fabricate those machines and then after he retired he went back to work part-time for Fleming to help them out by installing equipment and making the fittings that hold the turbines in place. They must’ve made dozens, perhaps hundreds of these machines and shipped them all over the world wherever they refurbish jet engines. Hundreds and hundreds of jet airplanes… maybe thousands have been tested on the machines that my dad built and literally millions of passengers have flown on airplanes whose jet engines were made safe by a machine that my dad helped to build.

Imagine the legacy that he has left! Literally millions of people have benefited by his skills… by the things that he did… the things that he built. That is an amazing legacy!

I want to talk in particular about a couple of projects that he did as a volunteer and that was something that he did for St. Gabriel’s. Fr. Paul who is here with us today, said “We need a new baptismal fountain at St. Gabriel’s”. And he got a parishioner to draw up a sketch of what it should look like. We showed it to my dad and he said “Yeah I can build that.” So he built… Actually he built two of them. He built one out of aluminum or stainless, some cheap material because he wanted to make sure that it works first. And once he was sure the design would work and the water would flow the way it was supposed to… then they went and bought a piece of very expensive polished brass. And he built a very beautiful fountain. And are some photographs of it on the poster in the back of the room. And we used that fountain to baptize hundreds of children for many years. We have a new fountain when we renovated the church but we used that fountain for many years.

He also built a very beautiful Advent wreath that we used, out of metal, and we used it for many years. And he did these things not necessarily because my mom or I asked him to. He did it because he loved making things out of metal. And he saw a need. And he wanted to help out.

You know… He wasn’t Catholic. He wasn’t religious. To the best of my knowledge he didn’t pray. Or he never talked about it. He was very curious about religion. He watched a lot of documentaries on History Channel and Learning Channel about religion. And we would talk about religion a lot. There were people that he worked with who were very, very strict fundamentalists. The people who think that God created the world in EXACTLY 6 days. And took everything very literally. And he was amazed that they could have such strong faith that they would take this literally to some kind of silly extremes. My apologies if there’s anybody who’s fundamentalist that way. But he really admired that they can have that faith that would make them believe just because the Bible said so. I think he… he might’ve wished that he had that faith but he just couldn’t find it anywhere.

So… What do we say about his soul? A man who had no religion. Who didn’t go to church. He was baptized but he didn’t practice any faith. What can we say about him?

Well there was a period of my life where I was away from the church as well. I wasn’t exactly atheist but I guess you would call me a devout agnostic. (laughter). Okay… Where I just, I just wasn’t sure I believed any of that stuff and it wasn’t important to me. And I didn’t want anything to do with it. And kind of like my dad I actually did some volunteer work for St. Gabriel even when I wasn’t a believer. I helped them with some computer things in those early days. But when I did come back to the church, I came across a scripture passage that really spoke to me. And I think it, it tells us something about my dad. So I’d like to share it with you.

A reading from the Gospel according to Matthew.

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit upon his glorious throne, and all the nations will be assembled before him. And he will separate them one from another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.

’Then the righteous will answer him and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?’

And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me. Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you accursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.

For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, a stranger and you gave me no welcome, naked and you gave me no clothing, ill and in prison, and you did not care for me.’

Then they will answer and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or ill or in prison, and not minister to your needs?’ He will answer them, ‘Amen, I say to you, what you did not do for one of these least ones, you did not do for me.’ And these will go off to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

This is the word of the Lord.

We will be judged by our actions. This is how this Scripture tells us we will be judged. It’s not that we earn our way into heaven through our actions but our actions illustrate the kind of person that we are on the inside. In Matthew 7 it says “By their fruits you shall know them.” And so by my dad’s fruits we shall know him as well.

And the interesting thing about this passage is, all of these righteous people who were doing good things… Didn’t realize they were doin’ it for God! Lord when did we do these things for you? I didn’t know I was doing it for you? I was just helping people. I didn’t know I had a life of ministry. I didn’t know I was serving Your Will.

And neither did my dad. He didn’t realize that all of the good things that he had done his whole life long… all of the things that he had accomplished that touched MILLIONS of people… was God’s work!

But God knew. And God will say to him “You are among the righteous. And to you goes eternal life.”

So today I have no doubt about my dad’s soul. Because he checks all of the boxes in Matthew chapter 25. He put food on our table. He put clothes on our back. He took care of us when we were sick. He visited us and his friends when they were sick. He helped his friends. He welcomed the strangers into his home and took care of their needs. He helped millions of people who he never met and he checks all the boxes and he is certainly in paradise.

Now it says… that… You know the church has certain people who we declares to be “Saints” but technically anyone who is in heaven is a saint. And I have no doubt that the word “saint” applies to my dad. Despite all of his life’s challenges he was a peaceful, patient, loving, loyal, hard-working person who shared his God-given gifts with the world.

Our family today attempts to follow in his footsteps. We try to do the same things that he did. We try to be as loving and as caring and to be there for our friends and to be there for one another. We try to have the same hospitality. We try to treat our friends as family. So his life challenges all of us to follow these virtues and to behave the same way. To look at ourselves and say “How can we be of service to one another? How can we the friend, and the neighbor, and the hard-working person? How can we use our God-given gifts and talents the way my father did to help the world a better place because we were here?” That’s the challenge. That’s the legacy that my father leaves us and we should strive to follow in his footsteps. A great legacy. A powerful legacy.

And if we do… If we can check all the boxes in Matthew chapter 25 the way that my dad did, we will share in eternal life as well.

I’d like to now offer a prayer of thanksgiving for the life of my father. And at the end I will invite you to join me in “The Prayer of St. Francis” in your pamphlet. And pray that we can emulate some of the virtues that my father had.

Heavenly Father we thank you and we praise you for the life of my father Kenny Young. We thank you for making him such a calm and peaceful presence in our life. A steadfast friend. A loyal friend who was always there… always ready to help… always to just sit by our side or to fix things or to make things. We thank you that we had the opportunity to know him, to love him, to feel his love, to feel his presence, and to grow and to learn by his example.

Open our hearts that we might emulate his virtues. That we might look within ourselves at what God-given gifts and talents that you’ve given us that we might share it with the world. And help us always to be aware that no matter whether we realize it or not, all of the good is that we do for one another, we in fact do for you.

He was such a peaceful person. So let’s pray together “The Prayer of St. Francis”.

[Note: the printed version of the pamphlet they left out the third line so we recited it as printed but below is the proper form. Also I reversed “understood as to understand” when I recited it. Psychoanalyze that one will you. 🙂 Everyone else got it right.]

 

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
[where there is injury, pardon;]
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen.

We ask all of this in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

I want to thank all of you for being here on behalf of my sisters Carol and Karen, my uncle Keith, all the grandkids and great grandkids. You are all his great friends and colleagues and family. And if anyone should ask you “Did you love Kenny Young?” You can say “I’m here ain’t I?” (big laughter)

So thank you all for coming. I also want to thank the mortuary staff for being so gracious and hospitable to us. And they’ve been a real blessing during this time. We are going to have a little gathering back at my house. We are going to wait and see how many people show up and maybe order some pizza and we got some drinks. So anyone who would like to come and visit for a while would be welcome to come.

So now I will turn it over to our director here and he will invite you to pay your last respects to my father.

[Funeral director:] Kenneth Young in honor of the love and memories and the legacy that you leave behind we offer you a final blessing. May the road rise up to meet you. May the sun shine upon your face. May the rain fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

[Me:] I should mention that we will not be going to the cemetery. There is no graveside service. So this concludes our program for today.

 

[Here is a YouTube version of the eulogy]

Here is a link to his obituary on the Stevens Mortuary website. It includes a video that the mortuary put together from images we provided.
https://stevensmortuary.net/tribute/details/1286/Kenneth-Young/obituary.html